Since celebrating Easter, I've thought a lot about the truth that the same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in me. That resurrection power lives in me. I can claim it and dwell on it and know it, but the truth is I don't always feel it.
Some days are hard. Some nights are dark. Pain abounds and loneliness sweeps in. The mundane quickly makes me lose sight of the holy. Toddler tantrums, migraines, potty training, dirty dishes, laundry, dreams not yet realized, prayers not yet answered, bills, budgets, low bank accounts, student loans, fears, anxieties, loss, exhaustion. The day's duties quickly pile up and the future's uncertainties quickly bring worry. But it is actually the mundane that is flooded with the holy. Because it is in the everyday routine that God's faithfulness shines through. The grace that saved us is the grace that sustains us. And that sustaining grace testifies to the resurrection power. Whatever greets me in the light of day and whatever comes through the darkness of night, I can face because of that truth. I surely can't do it on my own. I can't face the chaos and the tragedies and the hardships that come in this life in my own strength; I can't trudge through the mundane tasks of each day in my own strength.
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Last week left me physically and emotionally exhausted. Constantly on the go, saying goodbyes, and traveling made me want to just curl up in bed. But we wandered back into town Sunday afternoon. And after a few moments of unpacking at home, we gathered our tired and worn out selves and headed out the door to church.
I'll admit, part of me would have much rather stayed home and rested. Part of me wanted to just do some introverting in my own home and not have to talk to anyone. I was spent emotionally and drained physically. But we went. And sometimes you just go simply out of sheer obedience. "And Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last." (Mark 15:37)
That wasn't the ending the followers of Jesus had expected. Even after walking with Him, knowing the Scriptures, and hearing His teachings, they didn't expect this. This declaration of death. This despairing finality. This hopeless darkness. This God-man they had surrendered their lives to was horrendously mocked and brutally executed. This dear friend they had lived life with was no longer beside them. Dead. Buried. Just nights before they had feasted together. They experienced the intimacy of Jesus bending down to wash their feet, to serve them, to show them true love. And just days before that they watched Him triumphantly enter into the city with great praise from the people. But now He was in a tomb. The One who healed the sick now lied dead. The One who spoke about the Kingdom of God and forgave sins now was silent. The One who said He was the way, the truth, and the life now was covered in darkness. Silence. Darkness.
In Priscilla Shirer's latest book, Fervent, women can gain the biblical wisdom and practical help they need to engage in passionate and purposeful prayer. Prayer seems to be the last resort for so many in our comfortable, American culture. But Priscilla does a wonderful job of giving a solid theological viewpoint on what prayer is and why we pray. She recognizes the battle we are in, the enemy we have, and the best, most under utilized, weapon to use.
She goes through every area of a woman's life and targets how and why the enemy attacks. Priscilla does a great job of reminding you of the spiritual battle you are in and what is at stake, but also provides numerous Scripture passages that reveal the promises of God so that you walk into the spiritual battle standing firmly on faith.
I didn't experience the tornado that ripped through Union University February 5th, 2008.
I transferred in that following fall semester and met plenty of people that were greatly affected by that storm. And as I heard stories, read the book God in the Whirlwind, watched the campus be reborn, and joined the Residence Life team, my life was forever impacted. Some of my best friends lived through that storm. And some of the most amazing testimonies of God's faithfulness and favor, grace and mercies came out of that storm. The promise that God brings renewal out of rubble is evidenced on that campus. But the threat of severe weather will always influence my emotions, my prayers, my actions. Severe weather easily stirs up anxiety and worry in me. It quickly brings specific people to mind to pray for. And it forces me to stay on top of the weather patterns and forecasts and be prepared. When storms approach, I am reminded of the great destruction they can cause. But, they also force me to cling to the great faithfulness of God they have displayed. I'm an introvert who doesn't like to cause any commotion or conflict. And so when something happened with a gift card transaction and being overcharged on my debit card for the remaining balance, my tensions were high as I dealt with going into the store and talking with associates and the manager, making numerous phone calls, and making several stops into the bank to sort it all out. It was a strange and confusing and little issue, but it was still something we didn't want to just overlook. Even though it was a minor thing, we still wanted to get the money back we were supposed to.
My introvertedness was already on high alert as I sat inside someone's office trying to talk through the situation and finalize the confusing claim. And then an elderly couple came in and started loudly discussing how no one was immediately helping them. I happened to be with the only person available at the time, and they decided to just stand by the office doorway and demand someone help them.
I stumbled upon Crystal Paine's blog, Money Saving Mom, awhile ago and have soaked up everything she has said since. Crystal helps women navigate through being frugal, living intentionally, and building personal businesses. She is genuine and helpful and inspiring. And I'm pretty sure we would be real life friends; there are so many things from her story that I resonate with.
So when the opportunity came to be part of the launch team for her newest book, Money Making Mom, I jumped on it. I knew this was a book I would want to read anyway and definitely fits for the season of life I'm in. I was a bit daunted when I first saw the book though. I'm not the fastest reader and don't retain things easily, so I thought it would take me a long time to get through the 218 pages. But it turned out to be quite a quick read. Crystal's writing is so approachable and easy to grasp. She connects with her readers through her honesty and practicality. I especially loved reading Crystal's personal account of finding her passions. It was encouraging to read it took her time to figure them out. It is so reassuring when others say they didn't always know exactly what path to take. Knowing it can take time to figure it all out is really comforting because that has been, and still is, my journey. Thanksgiving begins my favorite time of year. A day filled with family and focused on gratitude comes just days before the season of Advent begins. The beauty and wonder and miracle of the season cannot be undone by commercialization. This is a season of grace. And there is grace in it all. The grace of Advent is slowly ushered in by the day dedicated to choosing gratitude. It is an extraordinary time of year. A holy time of year.
But even still, it can be hard. It can be very hard. Many are facing some tough stuff. Some very tough stuff. Death, divorce, disease, heartbreak, financial strain, loss, job stress, anxiety, addiction, and all sorts of other hardships and pains are wrecking havoc around us. There are crazy and scary and horrifying things happening around the world. Prayers seem unanswered. Hope seem lost. Strength seems gone. So what do we do? How do you make it through the holidays when you feel you can't even make it through the day? How do you give thanks and be merry and bright when the pain and the loss are so real and constant? Sometimes Spencer gets to joy of hearing me rant. When things happen in society or around the world or are blasted in the media, I have to process them somehow. And sometimes that means talking through it with Spencer. It normally takes place during long drives in the car and normally involves heavy stuff. He listens with his heart as I pour out my heart about all the things. Thoughts on modern day slavery, sex trafficking, same sex marriage, abortion, Planned Parenthood, the orphan crisis, depression, the government, southern culture, the Church in America, America, the refugee crisis, and so much more, spew out of me in incoherent sentences. He is such a gracious listener and supporter. He helps me process, and he teaches me so much.
I'm such a better communicator in writing. When I'm talking, I stutter and I stumble over my words. That is why I also process best through writing. Whether it is writing in a journal just for the Lord's eyes and mine, or writing on this space in a more public way, writing helps me process, helps me heal, helps me turn off my mind. When something happens that I need to process, my mind keeps spinning. Thoughts invade it and keep me up all night and take my focus during the day. But once I write them down, my mind is calmed. My heart races a little less and my mind is free to process other things and focus on the needs in front of me. The past few days have left me wide awake at all hours of the night. (That's partly due to battling a cold and a migraine that came out of nowhere and punched me in the head on Sunday, but it also involves all that is happening around the world right now.) I'm left heartbroken. I'm left in tears often. I'm now just left so confused. I grieved with Paris as I learned about the news of the attacks. Spencer loves that country and the people there dearly. I was so saddened by the terror they faced. But you aren't allowed to grieve on social media without someone pointing you to another tragedy around the world and passing you some shame for not mentioning every nation facing hardships or people that are hurting. I wept with the refugees who would face further hardships after the attacks. My heart has been so burdened by their plight and by the lack of care from so many in the West. But you aren't allowed to weep on social media without someone stereotyping a group of people and passing you some political rhetoric about what you're supposed to think. My confusion and my aching and my tears are about to be poured out here. So forgive me for any incoherence. Please forgive my long post. Looking back at the blog and seeing the last post be from September was kind of disheartening, but then I remembered I actually did blog every day in October. It was just on a different page. So if you'd like to look through my 31 Days of Fighting for Grace series, I'd be honored!
You can check out all of the posts here! Or you can click on the image below to see the day by day breakdown of the whole series. I'd love your feedback on it! |
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Sarah ConnatserSarah loves Jesus and her family and is passionate about addressing the urgent spiritual and physical needs around the world. She is the wife of Spencer and mama of Katherine and Claire, and they live in Nashville, TN. She runs a photography business with her husband and writes in order to offer encouragement and invite others to choose grace, joy, and gratitude in the adventure and the mundane. She loves traveling and reading; she will choose unsweet tea over sweet and bootcut jeans over skinny; and she is all sorts of awkward with small talk but thrives with deep conversations. |