Never Unfriended {Review}

Lisa-Jo Baker's first book, Surprised By Motherhood, ministered to my heart so much. So when I heard she had a new book coming out, I immediately knew I wanted to read it. Never Unfriended is a calling to be the friend you want to have, to be a lasting friend. It's not a book about how to find or make friends, but rather a look at the person of Jesus, the One that will never unfriend us.

​Ultimately, the message of the book is about learning from Jesus to be like Jesus to those around us. We simply cannot be the perfect friend. But in Christ, we can know who He is and aim to be like Him and share His grace; in Christ, we can love well, seek forgiveness, and live intentionally; in Christ we can learn to be gospel-centered friends and create gospel-saturated community. I really loved this book. Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker was truly timely and spoke straight to my heart to encourage and convict.

The book is split into four parts:
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Part 1:  What Are We Afraid of?
Part 2:  What Can't We Do About It?
Part 3:  What Can We Do About It?
Part 4:  Where Do We Start?

And each part is separated into distinct chapters that help you look at friendship in a deeper way. Some of my favorite quotes from the book are:

“The parable of the Good Samaritan isn't about identifying your neighbor; it's about being a neighbor. In essence, it's about being the kind of friend you wish you had.” (page 4)
 
“This is fear’s endgame. To sever our ties to community. Because we were built for friendship.” (page 10)
 
“Whatever the relationship baggage you're carrying on behalf of someone else, it's okay for you to drop it too. It's okay for you to stop taking all the weight of someone else’s brokenness onto your own shoulders.” (Page 21)
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"You are necessary. You are not invisible. You are named and seen, and please don't erase your relevance because you think you're not relevant to the people you pass by on a screen." (page 33)

​"I find that newness only gets worn away by being willing to bump up against the nitty-gritty parts of someone else's life. Politeness will only get us so far." (page 43)

"The shortest distance between strangers is often a shared honest story." (page 44)

"Instead, I'm learning that really loving people means loving them the way they  need to be loved, not the way you like being loved." (page 55)

"Friendship will, indeed, inconvenience you. More so if you're doing it right. If you've never been annoyed, put out, or interrupted by a friendship, then you're likely holding out or missing out." (page 61)

"Because in order to be agents of peace, of long-suffering, of long walks with a God who doesn't turn His back on relationship, we need to be healthy ourselves....Because forgiveness does not negate consequences, and change has to be chosen; it can't be forced." (page 79)

"Choosing to see people as holy reflections of the God who made them to be loved, cherished, and encouraged will change everything when it comes to how we interact with them." (page 83)

"I want to give the gift of going first by admitting my own struggles so other women can finally be comfortable asking for encouragement in theirs." (page 92)

"Perfect will leave you lonely." (page 98)

"I learned that big hospitality has nothing to do with the size of the house. That big hospitality is a matter of the heart and not the architecture. That fellowship and friendship are never limited by the number of chairs available." (page 100)

"Maybe the most intimate, radical thing we can do for our friends is to show up. To show up like Jesus did-in person, willing to experience life with the community around Him. Giving our friends the same gift Jesus did-the gift of our presence." (page 111)

"Laying our lives down for our friends can translate into a hundred daily inconveniences that simply remind her without using actual words, 'You are not alone.'" (page 118)

"Comparison is exhausting and self-destructive. But a sure antidote to comparison is encouragement. Choosing to encourage instead of compare is a powerful defensive play. But it doesn't always come easy. It is hard, deliberate work." (page 126)

"Blessings are not for hoarding, they're for forwarding. Because that is how we reflect God's glory back to Him." (page 132)

"There is a time to share our opportunities, accomplishments, and joys. But there's also a time to treasure them in our hearts, content with private delight." (page 138)

"Nothing is more powerful than giving someone the gift of truly hearing them without tagging on your own defensiveness, explanations, objections, or justifications. Let's learn how to be proactive, non-defensive listeners." (page 166)

Many things made me chuckle as I read through the book. The talk about the awkwardness of church greeting time for introverts was so funny. (And so true.) At the same time, many things made me stop and think and process. Lisa-Jo has a way of lovingly helping you look back on how you could have done things differently and look ahead at how you can improve.

Never Unfriended reminded me to be an initiator, to be willing to initiate whether I'm the new girl or I'm around the new girl. I've been the new girl countless times throughout my life, and Lisa-Jo's words about fears and courage, forgiveness and healing were some I really needed to hear. The words about forgiveness were so good (in the this stings a little but I really need to keep reading type of good). And I'm grateful she talked about boundaries in relationships as well. Lisa-Jo remarkably addressed hospitality and grief. And when she discussed the tension of celebrating even when you don't feel like it, like many other times in the book, I felt like she was talking directly to me. Her words reminded me to practice the discipline of listening well. And I was reminded over and over again that is okay to be awkward. In fact, it is necessary. You have to push through the awkward to get to the deep and the lasting and the genuine.

It is a gift to be available, to listen intently, to choose to be vulnerable. It is healthy and good to choose celebration instead of comparison and hospitality instead of perfection. And it all fosters friendship. But we must also give ourselves the grace to remember that that kind of friendship takes time, and it takes the realization that we'll mess up along the way. But when we mess up, we can choose to see the best in others and to seek forgiveness and restoration. Jesus models what friendship and community can be, and should be, and what it takes to nurture and grow them. And Lisa-Jo beautifully teaches that throughout Never Unfriended. 

I'm such a fan of a book with quotes and endnotes, and Never Unfriended has lots. It may be the academic nerd in me, but it shows me the author has read and researched for the book. They put in extra thought and time to developing the idea. It adds to a book's character to see a good list of endnotes. ​

Especially being a mom of daughters, this book encouraged me and spoke greatly to me showing me what I want my girls to see and learn. It tackled fears that all of us face at some point and gave truths about friendship we need to hear. It reminded me that friendship is hard, but the hard work is necessary and worth it. This is a book filled with truth and hope. It offers a better way, a deeper way, a lasting way of doing friendship. I highly recommend Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker. It will be one that positively impacts many women's lives. 

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*I received a free copy of the book from the publisher as part of the launch team.