“What were you doing when you were the happiest?”
I’ll never forget her question. Because it changed everything.
My roommate sat across the room from me and asked the question that made my heart so uncomfortable yet forced me to search my soul. Fresh out of college, with a degree in Biblical studies and still living in my small college town, I struggled with what I wanted to do with my life. I pondered her question for a long time because I felt stuck. Stuck in a couple of jobs that felt insignificant with a degree I was passionate about but not using. Stuck in the routine of just trying to make ends meet. Stuck in my own insecurities and not sure how I could help the world.
But instead of asking me what I wanted to do in life, my dear friend asked a question that was far deeper, far more substantial, far more important. While some people go through their whole lives knowing exactly what they were created to do, I believe the majority of us have to search. We have to try new things and meet new people, learn from others and experience life. And then we can look back and see what excites us and energizes us and empowers us. Then we can investigate our hearts and experiences to see what we were doing that made us the happiest.
It took me awhile to get to the bottom of the question. I had to search hard; I had to examine deep; I had to push past the negative thoughts in my head telling me I didn’t have anything practical to offer the world, didn’t have any productive skills or unique talents, didn’t have the ability to change my future.
But slowly, some specific memories flooded my mind and the beauty of them filled my soul. I saw faces; I heard sounds; I tasted foods. I transported myself back to some of my most precious moments. And as I remembered them, I experienced them all over again. And my soul was stirred with a renewed passion.
I’ll never forget her question. Because it changed everything.
My roommate sat across the room from me and asked the question that made my heart so uncomfortable yet forced me to search my soul. Fresh out of college, with a degree in Biblical studies and still living in my small college town, I struggled with what I wanted to do with my life. I pondered her question for a long time because I felt stuck. Stuck in a couple of jobs that felt insignificant with a degree I was passionate about but not using. Stuck in the routine of just trying to make ends meet. Stuck in my own insecurities and not sure how I could help the world.
But instead of asking me what I wanted to do in life, my dear friend asked a question that was far deeper, far more substantial, far more important. While some people go through their whole lives knowing exactly what they were created to do, I believe the majority of us have to search. We have to try new things and meet new people, learn from others and experience life. And then we can look back and see what excites us and energizes us and empowers us. Then we can investigate our hearts and experiences to see what we were doing that made us the happiest.
It took me awhile to get to the bottom of the question. I had to search hard; I had to examine deep; I had to push past the negative thoughts in my head telling me I didn’t have anything practical to offer the world, didn’t have any productive skills or unique talents, didn’t have the ability to change my future.
But slowly, some specific memories flooded my mind and the beauty of them filled my soul. I saw faces; I heard sounds; I tasted foods. I transported myself back to some of my most precious moments. And as I remembered them, I experienced them all over again. And my soul was stirred with a renewed passion.
I anticipated the excitement and wonderful responsibility of helping lead worship in my middle school chapel.
I felt my muscles ache hauling cinderblocks in the Dominican Republic to build houses and church buildings. And I heard the glorious sound of Spanish praise songs fill the hot summer air.
I experienced the adrenaline rush of organizing a girls retreat while only being a freshman in college. I watched a group of eager middle school girls soak up biblical teaching and walk away encouraged and excited to live as daughters of God.
I saw the crowded markets in Israel and the faces that flooded the streets. I felt the sting of people very rudely rejecting the notion of Jesus as Savior and felt the burden of people never even hearing His name. I tasted the many shawarma wraps and the unforgettable Seder meal.
I heard the roosters crowing at crazy hours in the morning as I laid in my tent in Haiti. I saw the devastation from the earthquake and the exact corner I turned where I knew I would see my sweet, little buddy. I tasted the rice and beans we had each night for dinner. And I saw the miraculous revival taking place in that broken land.
I experienced the beautiful and fun, draining and fulfilling, summers of working in student ministry. The activities done and relationships built never escape me.
I felt the incredible sinking feeling after sharing my testimony in the Ukraine. Feelings of inadequacy and incoherence immediately took over. And after having encouragement and truth spoken to me, I remembered that God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called, and He uses us as we are. The enemy always tries to distract and discourage when God is at work.
And as I looked over these memories, I realized what they all had in common. My happiest moments involved ministry. Leadership, missions, students, and documenting it all in words and pictures are what I love, what makes my heart beat faster, what energizes me and enriches me.
And although I might not be living overseas or working in full time ministry right now, I can write. And I must write. I become more fully myself when I write and I fully believe I am doing what God has called me to do when I write. And that is the best gift I can give my family and the most practical thing for me to offer the world.
This is my ministry.
And although I might not be living overseas or working in full time ministry right now, I can write. And I must write. I become more fully myself when I write and I fully believe I am doing what God has called me to do when I write. And that is the best gift I can give my family and the most practical thing for me to offer the world.
This is my ministry.
