As I laid in bed yesterday with a migraine I found myself getting discouraged because I couldn't apply what I had learned from the weekend at the Tribe Conference. I couldn't take action after being so energized to do so. But as I continued in the migraine state of fighting pain but not being able to fall asleep, I reminded myself of why I write.
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After several weeks of not exercising, yesterday I got back out there. The crazy heat, the craziness of life, the crazy long list of excuses piled up making days turn into weeks and even weeks turn into months. I didn't mean to go this long without physical activity; it just happened.
But that's what excuses do, isn't it? They say you can wait until tomorrow, but then they make those tomorrows add up. And the longer those tomorrows add up, the harder it is to jump back into whatever it is you wanted to do. But the beauty of going to bed is knowing when the sun rises, a new day rises too. With the rising sun a fresh start awaits. Each day gifts us with the chance to say yes to what we put off the day before. It takes faith to go.
Whether it's moving overseas or a moving across country or a job change or a some other change that makes you leave something behind and go to the new, the unknown, it takes faith to go. It's take confidence in the Lord's faithfulness. It takes risk because you don't have all the answers. But it also takes faith it takes to stay. Whether that be staying at a job, staying at a church, staying in a city or a country, or whatever situation it may be where you are making a very deliberate choice to stay, it takes faith to stay. It takes confidence in the Lord's faithfulness. It takes risk because you don't have all the answers. Sometimes you would rather go, but God calls you to stay. Sometimes you would rather stay, and God calls you to go. There is faith required for both. Sometimes the going is glamorized. Sometimes the staying is idolized. The adventure of the unknown might seem like a greater leap of faith to some, while the daily diligence in the known might be just as great a leap of faith for others. It all comes down to obedience. This week has been off to an ugly start. Sunday afternoon my sweet Katherine and I got sick within minutes of each other. Her poor, helpless little self was so scared and confused and shaken up. After she got sick the first time we went up to the bathroom so she could sit in the bathtub, but that's when I ended up helpless myself, hunched over the toilet. And that left my little one even more scared and confused and shaken up. My heart ached as she stood there crying and I could not comfort her.
The past few nights have been filled with restlessness. My sweet little Katherine is having awful teething pains. And as I'm up with her often throughout these nights, my heart and mind race with all the horrific things going on in the world. My heart has been so heavy.
About this time last year I wrote a blog talking about finally taking time to consistently write. Well, looks like that didn't really happen. Here I am a year later and it seems like I'm doing the same thing. Once again I'm on here saying I need to write consistently and this is the beginning...the beginning of what exactly I'm not sure.
But this is the beginning of something. So what's different this time around? How do I know I'm not going to just repeat what I did last year? We just worked on our budget.
We worked through the numbers, sifted through receipts, and stared at the computer screen adjusting and reconfiguring. You’d think our solemn expressions afterwards meant we had just been involved with something devastating or tragic. Yet, it was just the budget. But in all reality, it can be a scary thing to review finances and look at the budget.
February 5th will forever be a celebration of life for me.
It was on this day last year that we found out there was a life growing inside of me. And it was on this day six years ago that God spared the lives of my best friends when an EF-4 tornado ripped through their dorm rooms. Two nights before Katherine was born, I wept. I sat in bed and just cried.
I will always remember the conversation that Spencer and I had. It was the last night just the two of us would spend in our home. The next day family would arrive and the following day we would have a child. Life would never be the same. I knew it was coming. I had almost ten months to prepare. But no preparation takes away that top of roller coaster feeling. Preparing doesn’t make that final moment before the leap any easier to handle. Thursday, that horrible monster, the Migraine, came lurking around the corner and quickly pounced. I’m helpless when it comes. Nothing can interfere with its awful stare. Nothing cures its awful bite. I’ve dealt with it for about ten years and it’s never fun.
The Migraine is especially hard to deal with now. I have a little eleven week old that needs me. I just can’t function when it comes. So when I quickly realized I couldn’t do the errands I had planned, I let the people know that I was supposed to meet up with. And one dear friend offered to watch Katherine for several hours. I knew I needed to take her up on it. I needed help. |
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Sarah ConnatserSarah loves Jesus and her family and is passionate about addressing the urgent spiritual and physical needs around the world. She is the wife of Spencer and mama of Katherine and Claire, and they live in Nashville, TN. She runs a photography business with her husband and writes in order to offer encouragement and invite others to choose grace, joy, and gratitude in the adventure and the mundane. She loves traveling and reading; she will choose unsweet tea over sweet and bootcut jeans over skinny; and she is all sorts of awkward with small talk but thrives with deep conversations. |